Hey there, my readers. I know I am no literary powerhouse, nor Shakespearean poet. My blog, this blog, is here to test me. To demand to myself that I be accountable. To test my boundaries. To stick my neck out and take risks. Of course I could risk more. I could also risk a lot less.
I received some feedback rather anonymously that I come across as "...[trying to show how] smart you are and how much you know about most all subjects to the degree that others become beneath you and you become condescending." The commenter goes on to say, "It’s hard to take even for the toughest of us."
I hope I can chat about this here, and not offend you. But, since "You," are not known to me, how could I offend you? I don't even know, unless you tell me by commenting, that "You" are reading this blog. My readers, you are anonymous to me, while I am completely exposed to you.
Ignoring the fact that the commenter can't know who all of you are either, and thus how the commenter knows how hard it is for all of you to take (my showing how smart I am), I do still feel that I ought to offer up an honest response.
And that is really part of this exercise of posting on this blog. Can one, can I, persist in writing daily (well, almost daily) in spite of not knowing who is reading my blog; of not knowing what they think; of recognizing that each reader is forming a judgement and I do not get to have any say in my own defense, nor any recognition for a judgement as positive?
Ok, part of being a writer that people keep reading is, at least in my opinion, not to write a bunch of run-on sentences. So, I'm working on that. But, did this person write that I am (what was said in the quote above) because of my run-on sentences? Or, is it something more.
Shall I talk about pie recipes, or how to change an alternator on a 1970 Chevy truck? Shall I go rote, and forego any leanings or favor that my mind wants to impart? I write to you all what I feel. I have made some rules for myself at the onset: Don't write about real estate (you guys hear from every real estate agent on the planet, probably daily!). Don't write about politics (I hear from every political interest on the planet, definitely daily).
Do I show my real self here? Well, why the heck would I undertake this effort if I were just going to "pose"? So, yeah. Do I entirely know what my "real self" even will undertake to write from day to day? No, I definitely do not. I can tell you that I have a number of drafts that have not been posted, and probably will not be. I have one or two that have been deleted entirely, not because they were anything specifically, but because I decided the voice of the posts was not authentically mine. And, they were deleted because I knew they never would be authentically mine. So they were deleted so I did not have to ever consider them again.
But, the comment is saddening, because it's not my intent to be directing my writing to anybody, or at anybody, and the comment implies I am. Again, I don't know who you are, You reader. You can choose to make my day, and reveal yourselves, either publicly by commenting here on the blog, or, if you are one of my Facebook friends, you can comment on the post notification I add when I put up a new blog post. But, you can also comment privately if you ever choose. But, until you do choose any of those options, you are reading in complete anonymity.
I think the comment came because most of us never get to have a glimpse into a media created by a friend or loved one, and it can be a way to experience your friend or family anew. You'll learn about thoughts they have or had but never expressed. You might realize they are some things you didn't know. I write this blog with a voice that is sort of a combination of the voice we all have in our own heads (my own version of that voice) and I think also a narrator's voice. That is certainly different than if I were to share with my readers some of the short stories I've written over my lifetime. Those were not written with my voice, and they sound different, I think.
So, if my narrative voice sounds like a condescending intellectual, I am sincerely sorry. I definitely don't want to lose readers over it. As I think I have said even in this very blog, I am a work in progress, as are we all. The blog sub-title, "...Laughing at my own expense" was chosen some years ago, when my sense of humor was in a different place. I plan to get on with laughing at my own expense here. I do. I wonder if some of you would prefer that? I'll probably never know.
I will say this. I began my life as an artist and a dancer, and ended up as an engineer, which my father and my grandfather also practiced in their lives. We are many things, and what the world sees us "doing" doesn't define us fully. If you meet me and spend a bit of time with me, you'll hear the engineering training in my speech. You'll hear the literal tendencies I have in my speech, but the reality is that those things live in my brain, and they overlay much of my thinking.
I was raised by two educated, literal-minded individuals who also loved art, and language, and grammar, and how the world works. From my earliest memories, I was raised to ask questions of everything. I was raised to demand explanations, and not take things at their face. You will hear me restate things, if we talk face to face, and I am not doing this for you; I do it for myself. Be strong in your own belief of yourself and your own knowledge and education, and we can appreciate each other and what we think and believe. If I offend you for caring about details, I will always offend you. I don't really have a lot of room for "slap dash" in my life, or in my brain.
Comments