Illiterations: Laughing At My Own Expense

There is really nothing better than a fresh start; a clean slate.  Living in a new city--or, rather--a place that I've been gone from for a long time--is such a fun renewal of old memories and new experiences with changed things. One thing I really love is the bay itself.  My younger years were marked with many adventures on and around the San Francisco bay.  Re-acquainting myself with the region is spectacular.   I was able to pull out my collection of stunt kites the other day and take them to Berkeley for a fly.  They were totally out of tune after all the years packed away, but the bridles were mostly in place and I just needed to get the rust off my flying skills!  Fun afternoon with my neighbor who had the afternoon free and went along to get the fresh air.  Can you say, "new friends"? And, since I am just over the hill from Santa Cruz, I can buzz over there for a sunset every few evenings, which I love.  J just retired, and B is not f...

My current view -- The Almaden Valley I've always dreamed of just selling everything and moving somewhere new.  I have ties to France, Italy, Mexico, and even Greece.  I think there is a strong possibility that I will eventually jump ship and head there. In the meantime, I am so happy to say, I am establishing myself in the Bay Area.  I love the Santa Cruz mountains and the long views of the San Francisco bay.  My new lil ADU rental here is so perfect in so many ways, and I have somebody who is handling the business I left behind.  I'm considering moving onto a houseboat if I can find one that fits my needs.  I have enjoyed houseboat life in the past, and it will be an easy adjustment once I find the place. My many local friends here really are a boon as well; my network of people has expanded even more in the past year, and I am so grateful for that.  Of course, I'll drop back by the old stomping grounds now and then.  I can't leave my friends to...

Note: This post was put up at the same time as the one entitled, "Confidential."  They are two interesting  experiences both on the topic of friendship and trust and connection. Girlfriends Happy Hour The Girlfriends Happy Hour seems to have taken hold for real. My desire for connection set my feet on this path a year ago. Thanks to a suggestion from my sister that I model a group after one she and her best friend inadvertently created themselves, I seized her idea and ran with it. Our group has been going strong since May and it's now mid-November.  We've enjoyed other gatherings and events outside the happy hour which demonstrates our expansiveness and our cohesiveness. Out of it all I have been blessed with many wonderful new friends and several who have become particularly close and special. It still seems that people generally look to me to rally the troops and remind people of events and post events and even plan and schedule events, but I am definitely working ...

  Note: This post was put up at the same time as the one entitled, "Girlfriends Happy Hour."  They are two interesting experiences both on the topic of friendship and trust and connection. Confidential I'm still getting lessons in how to rate relationships. I'm still trusting a relationship to be more of a friendship than it sometimes is. And that's okay. I recognize it as an opportunity for growth and to not only learn from the experience but to learn about myself. It's good to keep discovering things about oneself at every age, I think. Sometimes though what I do is I give a friend or a group of friends a little bit of power in my life by sharing a confidence that I don't share with just everybody. And I did that recently. Not so much as a gesture of friendship but out of a need to unburden a truth that was holding me back in a group of women. I knew that it could be received in so many different ways and I asked their permission before I shared, request...

Tender people make great targets.  They seem safe and easy to injure.  Often, the assailant has seen others targeting them, and they feel emboldened by the past "evidence" that the target deserves the attacks. The fact is though, that there are people in this world who just have a huge dose of empathy and humanity which keeps them from wanting to injure another, even in the face of unreasonable or even atrocious attacks.  And being tender and kind and empathetic does not preclude a person from also being smart, strong, and well-versed in defending oneself from onslaughts of narcissism and tyranny. Over the years of my life, those tyrannous and abusive people have found that a tender person such as myself doesn't necessarily lack the chops to defend herself.  I am never one to talk about the times I win the fight.  I do not gloat.  I understand that winning "the fight" means I had to fight, and I am never proud of that.  I am never willing to advertise ...

On a daily basis I feel as though I should have something profound to say. My feelings on a daily basis are certainly profoundly amazing; profoundly happy; and profoundly thankful. And I've said previously on other blog posts that I recognize that my readers are probably tiring of me gushing about how amazing my man is and how in love with him I am. Unapologetic as it may seem I still seem to feel profoundly happy; profoundly thankful; and profoundly in love with this man, who shows me, daily, that he loves spending time with me and wants to be with me.  Month by month and week by week, as time passes, I see more of him each week. We are knitting together understandings about our lives; our families; the things we love and the things we hate; our dreams and our disappointments. I think the best of all is that I believe we each feel seen and safe and understood by the other in a world that, by and large, doesn't otherwise do that for us. Whatever else was pulling him other direc...

Do you know a loose cannon?  It's a metaphor and it means completely exactly what I know it to mean and so I use it a lot. But I am very literal, and sometimes I think others may not internalize the reality of that term. "Loose Cannon" is a term that dates back to the days of galleons and wooden ship explorations.  As early as the 1300s, explorative ships from countries in Europe and other places included cannons mounted on the decks to protect them from pirates and other invaders. Cannons, as you can imagine, weighed an immense amount because they were Solid cast iron. Their barrels were thick walls of 3 inches or more, they were somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 to 10 ft in length. As mighty as these old-fashioned defense weapons may seem, their immense bulk and weight were a liability on the ships. There was almost nothing technologically that could perfectly assure that the Cannons would not come loose from their mountings in high seas or a heavy storm. Picture the i...

There's this [boy]. ... It's as if I have taken love heroin, and I can't ever have it again. I've opened Pandora's box, And there's trouble inside.   -- William Thacker in "Notting Hill"  

I was just watching a sappy if still appealing TV series. The details aren't really important but the woman who is the main character is surprised by romantic gesture made by her boyfriend of 2 years and he suggests they get more serious. They're both surgeons and he is suggesting they move in together. I paused it at that point, but it looks like she's going to be evasive and avoid the suggestion. The reason I paused it is because at that moment I realized I am not her. I have always been somebody who would do almost anything for love. Real, trustworthy, solid, love. Which is ironic because I am also the person who has been single most of her life and who has been married and divorced twice and in between the marriages had one long-term significant relationship that also ended. But the pragmatic engineer in me says, "It's not that love and forever are not possible. It's that I just haven't chosen that right person yet." So, there you have it. One of m...