June, 2025: Out of respect for my concerned guy (fear of gossip on his part?), I have spent the months we've been seeing each other not mentioning his name and keeping his identity a secret. I'm kinda over that, though. Not that I want to paste his picture and name everywhere, but I am going to stop walking on egg shells.I've alluded to his notoriety already, and that's not inaccurate, at least in this part of the world. And, "notoriety" is not really the right word, because it hints at something nefarious, which is the opposite of the truth.
But, he seems to fear that the world will end if the world finds out we are "an item." He's uber-private, but I think the reason is because he doesn't want his "groupies" to know that he's involved with somebody. Why? I don't know. But it's becoming increasingly more challenging to hide, and it also is coming at a cost to me, and that reason is the one that has led me to decide, I am not hiding my life and my truth from my friends anymore.
So, this is a tiny peek into my life, or at least a part of it that has been exclusively available to only my closest friends for more than a year. If you know Ben, too, please remember that just because I am talking about our relationship, doesn't mean he is, and he isn't going to want questions about it. He is who he is, and "private" is at the top of that list.
I am private, too, much of the time, but also, I am a woman who needs to connect with my friends; to share about my world; to express feelings in writing for the purpose of--if nothing else--just sorting out what I am really thinking and feeling. And that's why this blog even exists, frankly. So, I place this here. A first foray into being more public about my relationship with a man who wants it to be a deep and hidden fact.
Ben Nuckolls is my guy. My relationship with him is the thing that makes me want to write much of the time, it's the bounce in my step, and the smile on my face. Please support us in our love and our deep connection. We will appreciate it.
3/13/2026 - Updated to the following edits: Months beyond writing the above entry, I have discovered--in the most unpleasant of ways--that he is a sex addict, and really, if one drills down on his behavior, he is also a type of sexual predator. If you've read all the way to this point, you can probably guess at how deeply in love with Ben I have been. I never hid my love. He gladly accepted it, and all of everything I gave. He knew how deeply invested my heart was/is. He agreed that we were "exclusive," and he expressly acknowledged (in the early months of our relationship) that I was not willing to remain in any type of relationship with him if he were not interested in exclusivity.
In more recent times, he was asking to keep clothes at my house and had always had his own toothbrush and other items here for his comfort. Now, just as predators who are caught red-handed will do, he is completely denying the depth and breadth of our relationship. He is attempting to erase any memory or trace of any conversation about our relationship.
I promised him I would not post about his actions on Facebook if he would seek immediate help in the form of therapy, and that I wanted him to never destroy another woman's life, and to, himself, be healed. My intentions, I explained, were to see a better outcome than I thought would be possible by just sharing my own story. He agreed to these terms (and a couple other express details I am not sharing here).
Nonetheless, other women have already gotten the word about him and are beginning to talk. Posts about his ugly activities are cropping up more and more. After a week of brutal and unintentional discoveries, I have a list of about SEVEN women he either had on-going relationships with or had casual sex with over the past two years while he and I were together. They have sought ME out this week, after seeing online comments and stories from others.
The women who were in "relationships" were led to believe that they were having an exclusive relationship with him. Many were coerced to provide images or videos of themselves engaged in intimate activities, based on their belief that they were providing these things to a man they loved, or at least were exclusive with. A few were actually groomed for long periods of time before allowing him into their beds. And many, many of the women were farmed out of his rescue work. But no woman has been off limits. Wherever he has gone, clearly, he has attempted to develop sexual connections at every point. Ben changed his character; his personal likes and dislikes; and other details to fit whatever narrative he thought each woman wanted. He leveraged his reputation in the larger community and the rescue community to impress women and win their trust. And, when discovered, he used that same status--in past instances--to silence those women.
Even I, myself, was silenced by Ben when I thought I should be able to talk about my wonderful relationship with him. Why? because some of the women he was involved with were right next to me. And he didn't want us finding out about each other.
Worst of all are the people who he led to believe he wanted to have a relationship with. The people who, myself perhaps most of all, spent time--years even--believing him when I could have been meeting an actual life partner, instead of a soul-sucking fraud.
Ben IS, by the typical standards of the term, a sexual predator. If you are involved with him, you are involved with a sexual predator who also clearly is a sex addict. You may not be concerned if you've chosen to engage in casual sex with him. However, he's having unprotected sex with literally dozens of other women, likely all of whom he has led to believe that they are exclusive. Nobody should be coerced into such a situation. NOBODY.
NOTE: The alligator photo was taken by me, not pirated from any other location. The capybara pics were taken by Susan, and never published, and given to me by her.
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