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Ohana and the Ugliest Choice

 Would you prefer to die from pneumonia and drowning in your own blood pulling in your lungs? Or from a stroke or heart attack?


These are the conversations that we are trying to have, albeit with more finesse than I offer above.

The parent that you have relied on and laughed with and been cared for all your life; whom you've cared for in more recent years and kissed on their foreheads as they aged and became less capable..

How do you make such a choice for them? This is the conversation that we're having. It's not maybe this or maybe that. It's which thing do you feel less. Which thing are you willing to face.

My parents have both been such happy, humorous people all of their lives that I struggle to navigate this seriousness. Navigate it on their behalf. It is heartbreaking and the choice will be irreversible most likely.

Happily, my parent is involved in the discussion. They have a vote. I absolutely recognize it could be so much worse. I could be having to do this alone and I'm not doing that. They have a vote.

My sister has a vote. I mean technically nobody has a vote except the parent in question. The only thing my sister and I are doing is supporting and counseling.

And as I reflect on how we are drawing our little community of people around us for support and to offer periodic relief from the demands of this process, I recognize the beautiful and sweet concept of Ohana.

I feel a little bit like I have no right to talk about it as though I'm some kind of expert because I'm not an expert on Hawaiian culture but I do know that I understand the meaning and I understand that we have our own version of that very sweet concept here.

In the face of the ugliest choice that one has ever had to make we have a community. We have our people to witness our pain in our journey. Our parent's pain and their journey.

And having to make these choices surrounded by love is entirely different than having to make these choices alone and in a vacuum. We are so blessed.

Our village, our community, they are here and we are in their thoughts. If we even forget that for a moment we are reminded.

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