Forward I Go

I was just watching a sappy if still appealing TV series. The details aren't really important but the woman who is the main character is surprised by romantic gesture made by her boyfriend of 2 years and he suggests they get more serious. They're both surgeons and he is suggesting they move in together.

I paused it at that point, but it looks like she's going to be evasive and avoid the suggestion. The reason I paused it is because at that moment I realized I am not her. I have always been somebody who would do almost anything for love. Real, trustworthy, solid, love.

Which is ironic because I am also the person who has been single most of her life and who has been married and divorced twice and in between the marriages had one long-term significant relationship that also ended.

But the pragmatic engineer in me says, "It's not that love and forever are not possible. It's that I just haven't chosen that right person yet."

So, there you have it. One of my deepest, most guarded secrets. I am that much of a romantic. I really do believe that there is somebody out there for me and that one of these days I will find him, and we will recognize it together. Because I will be for him as well.

It is very likely why I give the men in the relationships that I have so much time and effort before I really call it quits. As I've always done, I am investing wholeheartedly and deeply and broadly and with passion and commitment in my current relationship. I actually do really believe this time is THE time.

Anybody who knows me and talks to me on a regular basis knows this because they can't talk to me very long without hearing me gush about "this man that I love so much."

Are my blog readers (whomever they may be) tiring of my incessant musings and ramblings about this relationship? I hope not. Anybody who's been with me a number of years can remember when it was hard for me to write about anything other than the oppressive experience I was having at the time. It must feel better to read about happiness and promise.

Forward I go, trusting, living from my heart, believing. Two quirky individuals who have struggled a lot of their lives to be understood, and seen, finally with another who seems to see and understand them. That is my truth and that is why I feel always so excited for this journey.

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