Skip to main content

Peace and Synergy

There's a peace that settles over the couple who has reached the "other side" of the initial growing and discovering phase of a relationship.  For most of us, this initial discovery part of the relationship seems to be a bit of each party contemplating the question of whether they want to keep going with this person; is this person the one they want to invest their time and their energy in; et cetera.  Some amazing (and rare) couples seem to simply meet and they are there, almost immediately.

Yet, we, the rest of us, get there too.  We just do the "growing into him/her," "getting to know him/her," and the "let's see how this looks when the honeymoon phase wears off," thing.  And, personally speaking, I feel that we--my guy and I--have rounded all those corners.  And I love us!  I love how we look.  I love how we are just easy and understand each other's lives.  I love how we are pretty good at checking in with each other, and how we make space for us each to have outside friends and outside interests.

At the risk of tainting a happy conversation, I reflect that even before I knew the extreme narcissism that my ex would impose upon me, I saw that he literally expected to be included in all my gatherings with my friends, which was not just a bit weird,

So, to be back to a more typical and normal ebb and flow of relationship overlap and sharing seems so
deliciously happy and real and normal.  I think this might be the first I've ever reflected on this, but the "after-the-honeymoon" phase of the relationship kind of feels like a new version of the honeymoon phase.  Why?  Because everything just got easier.  Nobody's wondering if they should be worried if they should text "good morning" or "good night."  Nobody's worrying where the other person is when we aren't together.  I mean, maybe we weren't really worrying about that anyway, but there were a few growing pains here and there, and we are solidly past those, it seems.

This is a short, simple entry.  I am simply depositing my current state of reflection on the loveliness of the feeling of peace and synergy.  I am purely grateful.

* The photos included are a few of those he and I have shared within our "private jokes" together.  They won't mean anything to you, necessarily, but they make me smile.

Comments

Recent Popular Posts

Asshole in the woodpile

This is not a friendly, emotional, or reflective post. Nope.  This is directed at the ASSHOLE stalking my personal blog while all the while thinking that I am writing for YOU.  Imagine the ego. Since you can no longer leave bile-spewing comments on my blog itself, you are now trying to stalk me from WhatsApp, texting me condescending opinions about my life, which you have no other information about. Get over your infatuation with me, and what I am doing, and how I am enjoying my life.  Go find your own life and happiness, and don't concern yourself with me.  I am happy. And, just to be clear, I have enjoyed a number of men since my marriage ended.  I have fallen in love, and I have never looked back.  It has not been hard to meet men who want me.  I can happily say I am still friends with a number of the men I've recently dated.  They are ALL younger than me, some by quite a bit. Only a NARCISSIST would be concerning themselves with my personal li...

Not my first rodeo

Tender people make great targets.  They seem safe and easy to injure.  Often, the assailant has seen others targeting them, and they feel emboldened by the past "evidence" that the target deserves the attacks. The fact is though, that there are people in this world who just have a huge dose of empathy and humanity which keeps them from wanting to injure another, even in the face of unreasonable or even atrocious attacks.  And being tender and kind and empathetic does not preclude a person from also being smart, strong, and well-versed in defending oneself from onslaughts of narcissism and tyranny. Over the years of my life, those tyrannous and abusive people have found that a tender person such as myself doesn't necessarily lack the chops to defend herself.  I am never one to talk about the times I win the fight.  I do not gloat.  I understand that winning "the fight" means I had to fight, and I am never proud of that.  I am never willing to advertise ...

Running before the wind

Ayala Cove, at Angel Island I miss the salt air.  I miss hauling all our duffel bags and crates of picnic supplies and extra clothes across the parking lot; down the gangway.  I remember flip-flopping along rickety, briny smelling docks, knowing where the weak spots were and avoiding them, to our beloved sailboat.  I say, "sailboat," though there were many to love through the years. There was the O'Day, which we sailed for one day only.  The O'Day fell from grace before it could be christened when, on the open ocean, just outside the Santa Cruz harbor, we smacked off a wave that opened a large hidden crack in the hull.  My father, calm as a cucumber even in the face of a nearly three-foot long crack in the hull of the boat, crawled in the open cabin, took a look, and stoically turned for the harbor.  Once the O'Day was returned, my father chose an Aurora, which was a sweet little boat of about 20 feet.  My father liked that he'd found a boat h...

Smooth As Silk

Almost all the time, we function together and interact together so smoothly we are seamless. We get each other. We finish each other's sentences. Smooth as silk. I don't love the moments when we are suddenly out of step with each other. Those are monumental moments. They always are every time. But I have learned that the pain of those moments --which is like giving birth, it is often so difficult--leads us to a new plateau. It never fails. The most monumental and most painful moments between us seem to lead us to even deeper closeness after we process the moment and move forward. And after each of those instances which are not common but also not non-existent, we have these absolutely blissful weeks of synchronicity and finishing each other's sentences and inside jokes that transcend previous versions of the same. I love it; I love all of it.  I understand that this is what it feels like to fall in love and become one with the person that you love. It's been so long sin...