These days, I occasionally catch myself remembering people who once were very central to my life but now are gone. I can't think of even one that I miss anymore--if I ever did. Some of them ducked out unexpectedly, over something so tiny I couldn't even identify a real reason. Others left in a storm of disagreement. Although, I'll say, the ones in the second category are rare. I don't like drama, and don't seek it, and I don't like to fight.
I remember being that person. The "girl who worked 24/7." I've been her in a number of different iterations in my life. All through my 20's in my tow truck driving life. Always on call. Always ending the day just wanting to sit and enjoy the quiet. Often awakened at 2:30 am by a "won't start" call that could be a tow or simply a jump start. But always a never-ending demand on my time and on my life.
And I think that this feeling of too many possibilities stems from the fact that my life has reached a place where I have an incredible amount of freedom in my scheduling and my days (not that I'm not busy, but that I am the driver of the tasks and can choose the process). I can hardly believe I am here, in this place in life.
It's taken some time to recognize that, in spite of my decades-long, existing real estate career, I am once again searching for purpose. I think my initial observations of "not missing" people and old practices in my life are symptoms of my readiness to move on to a new, bigger, thing. Space has been cleared. The old thing(s) won't be dropped, but there is now room for the new thing. A purpose-driven life is what has fueled my life, historically. I am excited!
I may be musing over these thoughts because July 4th is only a few days away, and it's the first really big holiday of the year (you know, the type where the entire country is kicking back and eating and drinking and NOBODY is at work). On such holidays, as somebody who's spent so much of her life single, I consider who I'll be spending time with, and what I might be doing, if anything. Holidays can be really quiet for single people. I know my man will be out rescuing wildlife, or, perhaps, popping in to enjoy a burger at somebody's house in an impromptu invitation to "the guy who never takes a day off."
 |
| Nikki & Tina, 1980 |
And, again in 2003, when I jumped from my life as an engineer to becoming a real estate professional.
Real estate was in a boom at that time, and hopping to it for every person who called was the way to become a top agent. And, hop I did. I hopped for ten years, never taking a breather and often forgoing my own time off.
Real estate was in a boom at that time, and hopping to it for every person who called was the way to become a top agent. And, hop I did. I hopped for ten years, never taking a breather and often forgoing my own time off.
Eventually, I set more boundaries and took my life back. And I by that time, I had a spouse. So, I also had a built-in, resident, person-to-do-things-with. Now, though, I am again single (as I have mentioned) and so I look at my free days as unfettered bubbles of possibility. Yet, sometimes, the possibilities are too many, and I spend too long simply trying to decide which project or possibility to pursue.
 |
| Nikki & Joy, 2008 |
With the exception of a few lingering "ex issues" (which I choose not to think much about most of the time), life is drama free. The real estate clients in my sphere are good people who appreciate me. My man makes me happy, and I him. I have the best friends on the planet, and it seems my little circle of cherished people is slowly expanding. The people I love are in a good place. And I have three beautiful doggos in my beloved pack.
 |
| Personal Artwork @ 2023 |
"Irons in the fire," as they say. Here's to purpose. And to being busy a LOT. And to always finding joy in large and small ways.
Comments