Tenderness came crashing

The moment--the surprising, amazing, moment--his lips brushed mine, I was transported by his tenderness. How long had it really been since I had experienced tenderness alongside physical closeness?

I didn't know and I was suddenly drunk on sweetness; appreciation; gentleness; and feeling wanted.

Tenderness crashed in on me. And as I write, I realize that feels like an oxymoron because how could tenderness be crashing if it's tender?

And yet so much like the void of a vacuum; of a black hole in space; the absence of something is static until the presence of that same thing comes thundering in and suddenly it is a roaring revelation of understanding and feeling.

And at each step into the moments past that kiss, tenderness came first. Tenderness was all of it but not only it. It was everything I had almost forgotten I needed; it was nothing I had had in so many years.

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Photo: "Nikki & Joy Caroling"

This more recent photo of me with Joy is from the office Christmas photo this past Christmas (2004). We had three dogs total in the picture. I cropped everybody else out so I could get a close up, but this picture was awesome! We were all caroling in front of the court house in Auburn.

New Start

Ok, I'm starting off with light, silly stuff. Or, I did. My first post on this blog was a poem I wrote in 1989, when I'd just met the man who would become my husband. Hah! I've not seen him since 1992, and I had not looked at that poem in years, either, but I do like the poem. Life changed for me recently, for the better. I closed the book on a long, drawn-out struggle with "the ex" as I refer to him, which makes people think we were married, though we never were. We were together for nearly eight years, however. Parting was not a sweet sorrow. It was, in fact, neither sweet, nor a sorrow. I left behind a lot of relationships with both people and animals I loved. Not because I wanted to, but because those were the limitations set forth. All in a day, things were.. over . Believe me, I'd like to rant and rave here about the victimizations he perpetrated. But, I am not going to slouch into that same state in which he exists. I won't. I will say

I will remember

I will remember you. All the things that lead us To that moment in my life That broke old shackles; That started new patterns; That awoke the sleeping wolf. We do not need promises. Your gift to me was that moment. Your gift to me was everything that led to that moment. I look at you and feel alive, In a way I had been dead for years. You show me who you are, I know this. I know our moment was just that; a moment. And just as I have left men with moments In my younger years, I hold on to ours, now. You unchained the wolf. And she walks free, and proud, and ready. -- Nico Holmes

Illiterations: Laughing At My Own Expense

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