This will be short

To know about the story behind this painting, click this LINK

There is a safe side, and a side where you are "on your own." Be your own support system, your own boss, your own insurer, your own safety net, in all things.

Live by the rules, or write your own. Even when there are boundaries, the freedom of being your own boss is heady. And, there are always boundaries, of course.

I'm on the second half of year sixteen of doing just that. And, what a year.

It's been a strange, and painful, firey, year, and I have had to rise to the challenges of people in places I would never have expected to have done. I feel like I'm trudging home, to my safest place, even though it's a place I've never lived. It's a place where the home fires burn, and they guide me there, where people know me and who I am at my core. I am neither scorned nor neglected there. It just feels right, and I plan to return from there healed, or, at the very least, healing. As I explained to an old friend, "I'll be the warrior you know me to be, when I see you next."

I am headed for my village. My tribe. As scattered as they are, I am so grateful that I can connect with most all of them at this time of year when we all take a moment to connect with those who complete our circle, our awareness, and our "self."

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Photo: "Nikki & Joy Caroling"

This more recent photo of me with Joy is from the office Christmas photo this past Christmas (2004). We had three dogs total in the picture. I cropped everybody else out so I could get a close up, but this picture was awesome! We were all caroling in front of the court house in Auburn.

New Start

Ok, I'm starting off with light, silly stuff. Or, I did. My first post on this blog was a poem I wrote in 1989, when I'd just met the man who would become my husband. Hah! I've not seen him since 1992, and I had not looked at that poem in years, either, but I do like the poem. Life changed for me recently, for the better. I closed the book on a long, drawn-out struggle with "the ex" as I refer to him, which makes people think we were married, though we never were. We were together for nearly eight years, however. Parting was not a sweet sorrow. It was, in fact, neither sweet, nor a sorrow. I left behind a lot of relationships with both people and animals I loved. Not because I wanted to, but because those were the limitations set forth. All in a day, things were.. over . Believe me, I'd like to rant and rave here about the victimizations he perpetrated. But, I am not going to slouch into that same state in which he exists. I won't. I will say

I will remember

I will remember you. All the things that lead us To that moment in my life That broke old shackles; That started new patterns; That awoke the sleeping wolf. We do not need promises. Your gift to me was that moment. Your gift to me was everything that led to that moment. I look at you and feel alive, In a way I had been dead for years. You show me who you are, I know this. I know our moment was just that; a moment. And just as I have left men with moments In my younger years, I hold on to ours, now. You unchained the wolf. And she walks free, and proud, and ready. -- Nico Holmes

Illiterations: Laughing At My Own Expense

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