Illiterations: Laughing At My Own Expense

I might have believed that my entire friend group suffered suddenly from mass hysteria. I really might have. I mean after all, the term that psychologists refer to as "groupthink" is a documented phenomenon that can occur in some groups of people over time and with influence. And equally documented are the instances when groupthink has accounted for irrational and even devastating and murderous consequences in groups. But what if what happened wasn't exactly groupthink? What if it was a case of mean girls and weak followers? Well, just as there is a sociological and psychological thread of studies for the groupthink paradigm there is also a well-studied and defined understanding in the psychological profession for the "mean girl" phenomenon. And here is what is said by professionals regarding the "mean girl" phenomenon. "The "mean girl" phenomenon, characterized by relational aggression and bullying behaviors, can manifest in adult frien...

This is not a friendly, emotional, or reflective post. Nope.  This is directed at the ASSHOLE stalking my personal blog while all the while thinking that I am writing for YOU.  Imagine the ego. Since you can no longer leave bile-spewing comments on my blog itself, you are now trying to stalk me from WhatsApp, texting me condescending opinions about my life, which you have no other information about. Get over your infatuation with me, and what I am doing, and how I am enjoying my life.  Go find your own life and happiness, and don't concern yourself with me.  I am happy. And, just to be clear, I have enjoyed a number of men since my marriage ended.  I have fallen in love, and I have never looked back.  It has not been hard to meet men who want me.  I can happily say I am still friends with a number of the men I've recently dated.  They are ALL younger than me, some by quite a bit. Only a NARCISSIST would be concerning themselves with my personal li...

There's this [boy]. ... It's as if I have taken love heroin, and I can't ever have it again. I've opened Pandora's box, And there's trouble inside.   -- William Thacker in "Notting Hill"

 I'm three months out of a mass scapegoating.  Yeah, it really is a thing.  I'm not gonna write about it here but suffice it to say that if you've experienced it, you know it's a thing, and if you have not, you can Google the scapegoating phenomenon and what sociologists and psychologists have to say about it. Anyway, the coven of people who scapegoated me were once a sweet little group of friends who would never have betrayed each other, nor spoken ill of each other out of earshot.  Or in, for that matter.  One of the things I loved about our little friend group was that, by and large, I was the one who pulled us all together.  I was very proud of that fact. Since the initial event, though, I have been reflecting on how I connect with other women and make friends.  It has made me scratch my head a bit and wonder if I should listen to my inner voice when building friendships.  You see, what I have ultimately concluded is that our solid, happy grou...

 Six years ago, I shared a post  about the experience of being targeted by people close to me, behind my back and in secret.  I was a very strange experience, and, as an investigator of all things, and a researcher by nature, it sent me on an extensive journey of introspection and education.  I wanted to understand the psychology behind the actions of such people who would surreptitiously create and carry out a campaign against a person they publicly referred to as a friend. At the time, I learned a lot about the mindset of people who are attracted to one another in unhealthy ways that ultimately become an intention to damage, defame, and destroy a targeted person.  It's called scapegoating, and it's a human group dynamic that has been observed throughout history, and as far back as biblical times. As I read about scapegoating--which I did because I can readily identify times throughout my life when I was targeted as the scapegoat by people I loved--I came to un...

What would we women do without the guys on the fringes? The men who love us unconditionally even knowing that we will probably never go out with them. The men who see us for who we really are while we are busy chasing the bad boys; the players; the guys who are going to take advantage and then forget about us. But then those men on the fringes... they're the real ones. They aren't poster boys for Chippendales or the firefighter calendar, but they are there for us and we lean on them. The Fringe guys. They prop us up when we are falling apart. They remember our birthdays and the day that our pet passed away. They remember our favorite color and they want to brighten our day almost every day. They love us and when we make excuses for why we won't date them they believe our excuses. They listen to our conscience-easing excuses, and they hope that they can believe the maybe of it. We say maybe and they hear yes when we mean no. And all of that keeps it going round and round, ov...

Nobody ever thinks the person they fall in love with is pretending. Nobody thinks that the person that is "their person" is lying. Imagine meeting somebody so deeply invested in lying about their most primal reality that they are unable to see the truth themselves, possibly. Imagine that person pursuing you; cultivating a romantic life with you; asking you to marry them. How could you tell? How would you know when that person that took many years convincing you to fall in love with them was telling a lie? Then imagine spending another 10 years with that person. Imagine investing in a life; in each other's families; and in businesses and dreams. When all of the trappings are set up to be exactly what they're supposed to be, and all of the interactions with family and friends seem to be what anybody would dream of; how would you know? And, as the years pass and the carefully constructed stories and facades stop supporting the weight of the mounting troubles; do you know...